Thursday, May 7, 2015

It's been a while!

TOS life update - I went back to work a couple months ago.
I've consulted my physical therapist about ergonomics for my desk as some symptoms have flared with being on the phone, reaching to do mailings and work on projects.
I continue to juggle things, take supplements, exercise, recently revisited physical therapy with the recurring symptoms to see what I might do differently.
I'm supposed to get a plastic pulley, some clothes line and a hook to make an overhead rope pulley to challenge my upper body and arms.
I'm supposed to be mindful of the chin tuck.
I'm supposed to do arm glides and exercises that will help with stability.
I have not been as 'on my game', doing what I should lately, though I remain dedicated to living well with TOS. Thus, my renewed efforts to pay attention to what I need to do to take care of myself.
I hope my fellow TOSers out there are finding what helps them minimize the pain and plug-into  life.

~Gentle Hugs

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Having a moment...

I'm having a moment tonight.
words are replaying in my head I heard earlier - "this journey is about the long haul for you".
...the long haul.
I've been so fixed on whats right in front of me, trying and doing new things
that when I stop to take a look at the long view
it feels so overwhelming
the thought of having to manage TOS the rest of my life.
makes me feel the words of a poem.
I sit here thinking-I really don't want to do this, don't want to live life always fighting back the inevitable.
But whats my choice?
Go back to how things were before I decided to become a project for you all and hack at the things weighing me down, change things up, and try to be better?
Go back to being miserable and frozen and unplugged from life, angry all the time?

With all my efforts, I'm still just on the edge of this thing-
I had hoped to 'get past it.'
Now, it seems just turning down the volume of the pain is the most I can hope for.
I want to be free of TOS, but these are the cards I've been dealt.
Having to give up on things I wanted to do with my life-knowing they will never happen-
I'm sick of myself, sick of how I have to cope.
I don't think I can do a long haul
I've always just done short hauls
and then gotten tired and afraid and sat by the side of the road
and gotten fat and weaker
I'm so afraid of whats ahead.
I hate this.
The easier way is calling my name,
take the pills, stop fighting so hard
eat, drink, stop thinking so much
check out, numb it, let the TOS take over instead of trying to push it back
just forget the fight.
If its gonna be a long haul-if I'm never going to get past it and pain is always going to chase me-
whats the point...get stronger-for what?

~ ~ ~

I see my fellow TOSers nodding their heads.
I know you get it.
I wrote this a year ago.
So much has changed since then for me.
All because I chose to live better, to start paying attention to what I needed in order to live as well as possible with this thing.
It continues to be a lot to juggle just to be functional, but it's worth it to live and not be sidelined by the pain!
I hope you will be encouraged that it is possible to live well...even with TOS.

Gentle hugs~

Friday, January 16, 2015

My Physical Therapist Said - Part 11

"Be in your own world while you're at the gym-work your program, don't be pressured."

"Have fun.  It’s work so expect it.  
When you need to recover - it’s ok. 
Remember, the turtle wins the race.
This is a continuation of a life change.  
You’ve done great work and will continue!"

~ ~ ~

I'm sure gona miss those pep talks.  
I'm very grateful for the help my P.T. has given me this past year.

I'd given up on physical therapy being helpful after all the awful torture other therapists put me through. 
I hope after following my journey in physical therapy this past year, that you are encouraged to give p.t. a try- or try again, try some more, with someone who knows neck and arm issues.

Always listen to your own intuition; if something isn't working- stop.
But don't stop trying.

It's hard to believe when you're battling pain, but it can get better.
Start small, each day builds on the next, do what you need to do for you.
Find support, ask for help, decide to stick up for yourself.
TOS is a bum deal, but you can chose to live as well as possible with it.

Gentle hugs~

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

TOS Resolutions for the New Year

* An MRI, to see what's going on since rib resection back in 2008, since my daughters rib entirely regrew and I continue to have nerve/muscle issues.

*Flouroscopy guided injection into spine, C4, to see if that helps

*Try acupuncture

*Work on core strength and stability at the gym, continue with physical therapy for upper body at home

*Meet more of my fellow TOSers, hopefully for a 5K walk/run

*Continue to tweak the TOS diet, more green smoothies, fish, etc...

*Essential oils-research, try.

*Try Biofeedback

*Figure out better, ergonomic seating options, especially for time on computer

*Keep diggin' into this TOS thing, learn more, understand

*Kick TOS in the butt

*Share my journey and encourage my fellow TOSers that even though the pain can be horrible, life can still be good.

*Live well!!

Saturday, December 13, 2014

My Physical Therapist Says Part 10

I have one more P.T. appointment in a couple weeks, then I'm on my own for a while. I can't lie, I'm a little anxious about that.
Words fail me to adequately express how much I have appreciated the understanding, knowledge and approach of my P.T.
After a few BAD rounds with therapy over the years, I walked into P.T. nine months ago very guarded, but desperate for change.
My main hurdle was, and continues to be, in my mind.
For example, I had a pain flareup last week that reminded me of the godawful pain I had most of the time a year ago, and it was discouraging.
I thought I was stronger, and better, but there it was screaming at me, messing with my head. I forget that I spent years being angry and inactive because of the pain. I get impatient and want things to progress faster, but things have come a long way, and for that I'm very thankful!!
So, I have been thinking about how I can keep my motivation going since I won't be going to P.T. Going backward is not an option, especially after that pain attack last week.

So I decided to face a fear of mine and I joined a gym. *shudder*

It's whole new, foreign, scary world for me.

P.T. guy said this is a good thing for me to transition to, that I should work on lots of cardio, treadmill, bike, eliptical (but be careful with the arm piece), and lots of leg work.
NO ARM MACHINES for a while.
This will challenge the nervous system in new ways than what I've been doing.

I'm supposed to keep doing my regular arm glide stuff, and also work on core stability, on a Bosu Balance Ball at the gym, or sitting/balancing on my exercise ball at home-no touching hands and feet.

P.T. believes after several months of working on this at the gym on my own, I should be in a position where I am strong enough to tolerate revisiting P.T. and he can then work on challenging the nerve and working toward making more progress in desensitizing and reducing the flarup potential.

So, I have a new little TOS mountain to climb on my journey, one step at a time. The view from this part of the journey is much better than back where I was just ten months ago. So, I'm hopeful, and I'm moving forward, even if it is a bit uphill.

Just this week I heard someone say that on our life journey, there will be different people along the way at different times. I'm grateful beyond words for the people who have been with me on my journey this past year. My heart overflows.

Gentle hugs~