Remind me in the days ahead...

I have peace about the decision to give the surgeon thumbs up on pulling my first ribs out through my armpits...two surguries, several weeks apart.
Looks like the first one will be a month away, which gives me time to cook ahead meals and make arrangements.

So now I must evoke the power of positive thinking like never before!
I believe and choose to focus on and I'm saying out loud,

"I will have a positive experience. I will regain full use of my arms, I will heal well and be free from the traffic jam in my neck. I will be healthy and ready to move forward with my life. I will be better! I will be thankful for the skillful surgeon and for my family who will step up and help me and take care of ALL the things I usually do. The dog will not smell bad and stop licking herself constantly so I will be able to sleep in the recliner. I will be able to stop taking all the pills for pain, I will be well, and I will be free."

Deep breath.
Ok, I may need to be reminded of all that over the next month.
But then, I do believe it is time for me to change my very pessimistic Eeyore mentality. Time to trade it in for a brighter outlook on life. What a rough way to figure that out!! I told you I was stubborn.
That's the scoop.

When hugging hurts

I need my own bubble. One I could carry in my pocket and inflate and get inside whenever the need arises. Like Sundays, at church. Let me explain...


We go to a smallish size church...around 100 people.
They're friendly folks. Alot of them like to hug, in fact they practically insist on it. It has been all I can do to fend off well-meaning people who want to hug me, but do not realise it is now literally physically painful for me to hug.

This past Sunday our pastor talked about touching.
Specifically, about how Jesus physically touched people.
Several scripture references about Jesus' touching were read and expounded upon.

When the service was over, everyone was hugging. I couldn't avoid all of the hugs and had to head for the car to go sit alone with my throbbing neck and arms.

I'm seriously considering not going to church for a while because of this.
Even though I tell the nice church people, "I'm sorry, I really can't hug", and point to my neck, people still can't seem to refrain from hugging me. The last three weeks I've left in more pain than I walked in with.
I just can't take it right now.

The alternative is I could load up on meds before church...that might be an interesting experiment actually.

Then I'd probably be hugging too many people for sure;)

Chasing after peace

I left the doctors office last week just amazed. I felt ready to go ahead with surgery.
I didn't understand all the docs medical terminology, but I have alot of confidence
in this man who believes he can greatly improve my physical situation.

I came home and started ravenously looking up information about rib resection surgery, its methods and possible complications. I saw actual surgery pictures that made my stomach turn.

I ran across one womans story that was similar to my own.
Her neck was her main TOS symptom, arms too.
She submitted her story four months post-op, said it gave her life back to her.

I felt such peace after reading that.
This is my answer.
I want my life back too. OK then.

I went forward for prayer last Sunday at church.
Our pastor called anyone who was struggling with something to come up for prayer.
It was a mass exodus to the front of the church. The prayer acknowledged that God is in control. I left feeling peaceful.

Today, the peace is hovering out of reach.
The questions and uncertainty and fear are all I see.
I just don't know.

I'm probably just over-thinking the whole thing.
Next week I give the doc thumbs up or down on the go ahead.
I'll letcha know how it goes...the saga of my life.

Copyright 2009 R.W.

This is a Cervical rib

I have these. They're pretty rare.
They cause a traffic jam for my blood flow, nerves, and muscles.




Things you never knew, huh? :)

So I talked to the surgeon this week. He read the note to me from my spine doctor who referred me to him...
"This patient says both her children have had surgery for this condition. I don't know why she hasn't considered it for herself after 20 years of sypmtoms."

I have resisted surgery quite agressively.
The past year I've done everything I know to do, including much prayer.

But it is what it is.

I can't believe I'm actually feeling willing to have surgery.
It has become clear to me I will never massage away the bone, never crunch it at the chiropracters office enough, never heat it, physical therapy it, relax it, stretch it, drug it with muscle relaxers enough.
It's time for the extra rib to go.
I think I am ready.

I think.

It just occurred to me that 2 percent of people have red hair.
and 1 in 10,000 people have cervical ribs...so how special does that make me?!!
wow. ( chuckle)

Back to reading my book, -books are awesome.

Though, I have to hold 'em up to read...all because I have extra ribs.